mistah charley, ph.d as Quintessential American

As published at SubStack, 1/7/24:

[Vung Tau, 1/5/24]

5:56AM finds me sitting at Café Xí Muội. Over my right shoulder is a pink Christmas tree with silver balls. Knowing Vietnamese, I’d not be surprised if it’s there until April, if not next Christmas. Behind the tree are five stuffed animals. Surrounding a large bear is a smaller one, a dog and a kangaroo with her joey sticking out of her pouch. There’s also something between the Pillsbury Doughboy and Casper the Friendly Ghost.

Artificial grass covers a third of the floor. Bifurcating it is a ruler straight “stream” of wavy blue plastic over actual pebbles. A brief footbridge crosses it. At the far end is a miniature boat. Four decades ago, many thousands of fearful refugees departing Vung Tau in the dark often ended up, soon after, as bloated corpses washed up on beaches so festive this morning with swimmers, dippers or just folks exercising. Chunks had fallen off or been picked away. It got so bad, many locals stopped eating seafood. They didn’t want to ingest fish that had feasted on humans.

At Xí Muội, there’s no music and, a huge plus, I can get avocado smoothies. I can’t afford another health setback. In Jakarta, a single meal of lontong in peanut sauce messed me up, but I couldn’t resist its name. I mean, who wouldn’t want to try lontong? Rooster is an excellent Vietnamese microbrew newly available, but I can’t touch another glass any time soon. Three days ago, I got an herbal ointment from a slightly eccentric healer, but his portrait must wait.

Now, let us consider mistah charley, ph.d, for he’s, despite some idiosyncrasies, a quintessential American. From his many comments after my articles, we know his dad was born in Canada. As a young man, mistah charley, ph.d even considered moving there, so he was sufficiently disenchanted, if not disgusted, with his native land. Though a mass attending Catholic, he’s looked into Buddhism, particularly Zen, and even Hinduism.

Quoting Red Hawk’s “Calling the Rain Spirit,” mistah charley, ph.d neither accepts nor dismisses its account of a successful appeal to the Rain Spirit to squelch a forest fire. He also speaks of “the creative forces of the universe,” and asks, “is the universe here on purpose?” A dogmatic Christian, he isn’t.

Politically, mistah charley, ph.d reads Caitlin Johnson and considers Kissinger and Cheney to be war criminals. He thinks I’m quite mistaken about Covid, however, so multiple Jewjabs for mistah charley, ph.d, plus “n95 masks [because they] work by electrostatic forces.” He also believes a transition from fossil fuels, as recommended by the United Nations, is advisable. Since this may not happen quickly enough to save the planet, mistah charley, ph.d is mostly resigned.

This “rap rhyme” condenses his philosophy:

smile at your neighbor, smile at the sky
life is a blessing - why ask why

mistah charley, ph.d speaks of watching nature documentaries at double speed. He enjoys Ted Talks and Rick Steve. He has not mentioned any travel, but work and family responsibilities can burn up all one’s hours, and his country is continent-sized, so not easy to wiggle out. Many also have no appetite for getting confused, lost or sick between enchantments, if any.

What prompted me to discuss mistah charley, ph.d was this comment after my last article:

comrade linh, i was enjoying this description of life in your native land until the denunciation of my native land - i am well aware of america’s negative aspects - i am not surprised or offended to hear about them - but i feel sad that you feel drawn to write about them now, when you are somewhere else

Why is mistah charley, ph.d sad at my indictment of a nation he himself sees as sick? Does he resent my being in a better place?

Since leaving the US in 2018, I have visited 18 countries, with at least a month spent in most. Including Namibia, Lebanon, Egypt, Albania and Montenegro, all are sure to outlast that indispensable nation so bombastically smug. Even South Africa has a firmer foundation and, most crucially, sensible borders. Though ineptly governed, it’s not being purposely imploded. It also has reliable friends in Russia and China. They won’t let its resources be wasted.

For his SubStack profile, mistah charley, ph.d describes himself as “intelligent, kind, modest.” Self assessment, though, is never accurate. Those who claim to be God’s chosen may turn out to be Satanists, and you shouldn’t take my words that I’m tall, buff and can last all night.

Since it’s literally true we can’t see or hear ourselves properly, we should, every so often, consider how we’re perceived by others, but that’s not very American, is it? No one is as drunk with self congratulation as Uncle Sam. Always speaking over others, Samuel doesn’t give a flying fuck about anyone’s life, much less opinion.

For lowly Americans like mistah charley, ph.d, self absorption has a different price, including suicide. While others are engrossed with porn or cage fighting, mistah charley, ph.d stretches his synapses with books and YouTube videos. What they have in common, though, is a passivity not just towards the serial atrocities committed in their name, but the methodical destruction of their society. Into spectacles they escape. As for venting, they can drone or even shriek online.

When it’s not quite one’s turn to be blown to bits, why not “accentuate the positive,” advises mistah charley, ph.d, for “all one’s earthly troubles will be over soon enough.”

Tell that to all those screaming in pain, yesterday, today and tomorrow, from your cooly genocidal philosophy. Surely that’s not me, mistah charley, ph.d may protest, but that’s exactly what it means to be an American. It’s this complicity that should sadden and distress him, not my curt state of the union.

Halfway through this article, Café Xí Muội’s owner stopped by to say hello. She had never had any customer type away through several avocado smoothies. Plus, she could guess I was a Viet Kieu.

Hearing I had left paradise in 2018 with no plan to return, this overly made up woman in her 40’s was very surprised, of course.

“Believe me, sister, many Viet Kieus will come back this way, the ones who know what’s what. As for those who still dream of going over there, they can go!”

Folded on her chair like a huge cat, she looked skeptical. My talk of America’s ballooning homeless population also left her unfazed, so I brought up two Vietnamese-Americans senselessly murdered just last week. In Oakland, a cop was gunned down, and near Dallas, a restaurant owner was run over during a robbery. I also showed her a Viet woman left paralyzed by a jugger last year. She had withdrawn just $4,000 for a trip back home. So untraveled, she didn’t even know how to buy tickets online. Now, it’s an ordeal just to reach the toilet. To drive home America’s increasing mayhem, I pulled up a video of a Long Beach woman randomly attacked with a metal rod as she pushed her baby’s stroller.

Nationally or individually, cowardly violence against unsuspecting victims has become an American hallmark. It’s also true of Israel. That’s why they’re inseparable.

I’m sitting at Friendly Library at 7:58PM. On the sidewalk right outside, boys and a man are online skating. At a park across the street, two girls are playing badminton. Crappy music booms from afar, but it’s mostly traffic noises I hear. At least Vietnamese don’t honk like Indians. Since it’s Saturday, many Saigonese are here to liven up streets and fill restaurants. Hopefully, the pho joint where I will have dinner won’t be too crowded. I need to stuff my face with detoxifying leaves.

Twenty years ago, Vietnam was swarming with even children selling lottery tickets, then their number decreased until you hardly saw them. After Covid lockdowns, they started to return. Last night, I was approached by a girl no more than seven-years-old. All around her, joyous kids were still playing, but don’t let that fool you.

Many workers laid off from factories in Bình Dương Industrial Park near Saigon can’t even afford bus fares back to their villages. Hundreds of tiny quarters that housed them now sit empty, so their owners are struggling with bank loans. This coming Tet will be grimmer than usual.

Purse, cellphone and necklace snatching will rise, and so will bank robberies, though still rare. Nearly all raiders are caught within 48 hours. On 12/28/23, a 25-year-old who had fatally stabbed a bank security guard was given the death penalty, while his 22-year-old accomplice who had fired a handgun at the ceiling got 30 years. Vietnam executes by lethal injection roughly 230 people yearly.

At least here, no one will whack you on the head to get even with God, their DNA, their upbringing, the opposite sex, the same sex or all the bad sex they’ve had, etc.

[Vung Tau, 1/5/24]

[5:42AM at Front Beach in Vung Tau on 1/6/24]

[8:29AM at Vung Tau’s Triangle Park on 1/6/24]

[Friendly Library in Vung Tau on 1/6/24]