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Sunday, October 18, 2015

Blumio's Antigewaltsong,

as translated by Olliver Wichmann:




Anti-Violence Song

Uh huh, yeah, a very warm, a very very warm welcome, ladies and
gentlemen, My name is Blumio and to all peaceful people I want to
appeal - this is my anti-violence song.

Once upon a time there was a boy called Rafael
He is usually in a bad mood just like Gargamel [1]
One of those boys who use to sit in the back of the bus
Besides, he is dirty most of the time and a bit smelly
On his mobile phone "Sonnenbankflavour" [2] is booming
The kids are already screaming "There goes the bully!"
He's in the streets again with his large gang
They'll snatch your mobile phone, wallet and your "Schokoticket" [3]

He does as he pleases, behaves like an alpha male
Man, he even throws plastic waste to the waste paper
Even though the basket for plastic waste is next to it
He just wants to keep on walking through life as a rebel
6.5 feet giant, no he is no phrasemonger,
One could say that he's sort of a nose breaker.
If you should see him, you just should beat it
For before you know it, you've already been slapped

Hey brother, why are you so aggressive?
How about hanging around with some nice math freaks
Anti-violence song - this is my anti-violence song
Hey brother, why do you have to lash out all the time?
Take away the cosh, better take a bouquet
Anti-violence song - this is my anti-violence song

Maybe he became like this because of difficult parents
Rafael used to go to the same class as I
He was the chubby boy with the snub nose
Ah those memories rise up like bubbles
Sweet Tina had a crush on me
Until Rafael came along and gave me a headlock
and hitched up my underpants before Tina's eyes
My schooldays from then on were rather dreary

But what will happen next you can put into the newspaper
Today I'm going to give him a piece of my mind
Just follow me so you can see that I'm not lying
There is Rafael, beating up the skater kids.
Hey Rafael, don't you know that violence is no solution?
Mate, don't you know me, what's this evil eye all about?
Don't touch me, I'm anti-violence
Man, Rafael, do take your hands off my neck!

Hey brother, why are you so aggressive?
How about hanging around with some nice math freaks
Anti-violence song - this is my anti-violence song
Hey brother, why do you have to lash out all the time?
Take away the cosh, better take a bouquet
Anti-violence song - this is my anti-violence song

And five minutes later this mindless hulk,
finally takes his giant hand off my neck,
I gasp for air and after a split second,
It's judgment day, on to the last round
I tell him: "Hey, I quite understand
that you behave like this because you are retarded."

[What do you say?]

Ey, hold on, don't punch me, didn't mean any harm
I just think, it's about high time
That you change since I believe, as I said,
Those who only do evil, evil will happen to them
And he says: "What, where did you pick up that rubbish?"
Taps his forehead on me and laughs out loud

Just at this moment I looked behind him
All of a sudden around ten gorillas jump out of the woodwork
who happened to escape from the zoo
Their genitals are huge and hard as a rock
And apparently they take Rafael for a female
Which is why they subsequently and brutally sodomise him
Rafael screams: "Outch, my arse is fucked!"
And I think to myself, so this is the moral of the tale

Hey brother, why are you so aggressive?
How about hanging around with some nice math freaks
Anti-violence song - this is my anti-violence song
Hey brother, why do you have to lash out all the time?
Take away the cosh, better take a bouquet
Anti-violence song - this is my anti-violence song

You see Rafael, what did you expect?
Come on Rafael, don't weep like this, wipe away your tears
Come on, get up, we'll wipe your arsehole clean
Look, comes off, see
Look, there flies away the pain
Oh, you see Rafael, see violence isn't worth it.

See, in life things will come back to haunt you, y'know?
So many beautiful things in life
Look there, the small kitty
Isn't it cute?
Oh, oh yes
See, come on Rafael, do smile for once!



................................
[1] character of the Smurfs cartoon series
[2] literally "sunbed flavour" - name of a Bushido song
[3] literally "chocolate ticket" - name of a monthly ticket in the
Rhine-Ruhr region of Germany




.

1 comment:

x larry said...

another gem, thanks so much. i did have to look up 'cosh'. checked out some bushido too.

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About Me

Born in Vietnam in 1963, I came to the US in 1975, and have also lived in Italy, England and Germany. I'm the author of two books of stories, Fake House (2000) and Blood and Soap (2004), five of poems, All Around What Empties Out (2003), American Tatts (2005), Borderless Bodies (2006), Jam Alerts (2007) and Some Kind of Cheese Orgy (2009), and a novel, Love Like Hate (2010). I've been anthologized in Best American Poetry 2000, 2004, 2007, Great American Prose Poems from Poe to the Present, Postmodern American Poetry: a Norton Anthology (vol. 2) and Flash Fiction International: Very Short Stories From Around the World, etc. I'm also editor of Night, Again: Contemporary Fiction from Vietnam (1996) and The Deluge: New Vietnamese Poetry (2013). Blood and Soap was chosen by Village Voice as one of the best books of 2004. My writing has been translated into Italian, Spanish, French, Dutch, German, Portuguese, Japanese, Korean, Arabic, Icelandic and Finnish, and I've been invited to read in London, Cambridge, Brighton, Paris, Berlin, Leipzig, Halle, Reykjavik, Toronto, Singapore and all over the US. I've also published widely in Vietnamese.